| Blogs / Ramblings
1/29/2009 - Trapped In An Elevator
1/27/2009 - The Close Call
1/14/2009 - Tom McCoy
12/23/2008 - Political Science
12/09/2008 - Grinch
10/08/2008 - 30th Birthday
7/25/2008 - Installing Blinds
6/03/2008 - The Great Wall
5/30/2008 - Rudeness
5/22/2008 - Sick Days At Work
4/09/2008 - Home Warrantee
3/31/2008 - Animal Crackers
3/17/2008 - Green Beverage Day
3/05/2008 - I Should Write A Novel
2/26/2008 - The Evil Oak
2/18/2008 - A Tribute To My iPod
2/11/2008 - Criminology Textbooks
2/04/2008 - The Surgery
1/31/2008 - WDW Marathon Part V
1/25/2008 - WDW Marathon Part IV
1/19/2008 - WDW Marathon Part III
1/17/2008 - WDW Marathon Part II
1/16/2008 - WDW Marathon Part I
1/12/2008 - Marathon Details
1/09/2008 - Running From My Run
1/04/2008 - The Holidays
1/01/2008 - First Blog
Animal Crackers
A live look at my eating experience. . . . Today is a special treat, in that I plan on sharing this experience with
you, my three readers, as it happens...
I just opened a bag of Animal Crackers.
Why I would have a craving for something that I haven't desired for years
is beyond me. I don't have a sweet tooth, so I purchased these "crackers"
in the hope that I can stand them.
Many people don't know this, but the first animal crackers weren't crackers
at all, they were freeze dried or mummified kittens. Look it up-- I just added this
to Wikipedia.
Since I'm as bored with this blog as you must be, I have started gnawing
on the serving size of 7 crackers. Right away, I can tell that the "crackers"
are very crunchy. In fact, the noise is both loud and annoying.
Why should I have to hear crunching at all? With today's technology, is it
too much to ask for screaming dessert crackers? Dead animals or not, when
I bite a leg off, I'm sick of making the yelling noises myself. Frankly,
it's a bit embarrassing.
Ow, you just bit me in half! Why would you bite me in half?!? That hurts!
No wait- not my head! Not my--
You'll be happy to know that I've stopped my screaming noises long enough
to chew and swallow a mouthful of chalky sweetness.
These are awful.
One thing is for sure, I will not be finishing the rest of this bag. Tomorrow
morning, I'll bring this garbage into work, and let the scavengers in the
break room take care of this.
I've already downed a glass of water to try to cover the sweetness. I must
admit, I am thoroughly regretting my purchase. The box promised "A roaring
delicious treat." This is hardly the case. I don't know who they think they're
fooling, but it's not me.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go sue the pants off someone...
Jeff's moral for the day: Never trust your cravings-- they're out
to get you.
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